Sunday, 7 June 2015

Hello. Is it me you're looking for?

Hello. Hi.

If you find yourself reading this blog and wondering where on earth I've gone to, please come say hi over here . That's where I roll now;)

Ok. Love you. Bye.

Sunday, 3 August 2014

I'm okay. You're okay.

It's okay that the man I love fell inlove with someone else
                 because I cannot control everything and what is meant to be will be.

It's okay that most days I don't want to get out of bed because the world is too loud and bright for my pale heart
                because every day I get up and the world carries me along.

It's okay that my doctor diagnosed me with depression and put me on medication
                 because I have taken myself off the medication and I am making myself stronger every day.

It's okay that I've spilt so many tears onto my son's sleeping face while kissing him good night that he'll grow up thinking dreams taste like salt
                  because he fills my soul with so much light that I could break a hundred times and still believe in love.

It's okay that I get things wrong.
It's okay that I haven't got it all figured out yet.
It's okay that I want things so big it scares me.

It's okay that this life can be really hard
                  because I still see it can be beautiful.

image found on pinterest

Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Hello. Thank you. And goodbye.


I have moved into the loveliest little, not-so-new apartment with gorgeous parquet flooring and hypnotic mountain views. Noah has two new goldfish and a Siamese fighting fish, and their names are Sarah, Derek and Bruce-Lee. Lovey has recently come to stay with me too and I love the warmth she adds to our little home.

So far Noah has spent two weeks with me and our alternating arrangement seems to be working out alright. This is not to say he is unaffected. When pushed to open up he admits to feeling sad and sometimes when he asks me things like when are Rhydar and I getting married I wonder if he is somehow completely confused about what is happening, but I know that it's just his little heart that continues to harbour hope that mommy and daddy will always be together. This is the way with children of divorced parents. I know.

It has been a crazy few weeks. It's been a crazy year. 

When I look back at the posts I've written this year I realise what an important part this little blog played in helping me cope. Not just the catharsis that is bleeding all over these pages but also in terms of the support and encouragement that I received from those of you who took the time to read my emotional spew. But I no longer find myself yearning to open up Blogger. I've started writing on paper again and the stories pouring from my heart are no longer my personal highs and lows but rather interpretations of how I see the world and the people in it.

I still write to Noah but now he will be the only one who reads those words.

So I guess I wanted to do one last little post to say thank you to everyone that read or followed my blog. It really is a very rewarding and encouraging feeling when people respond to your writing. Especially when it's people you don't know. (Dear family and friends, thank you for all the support you have ALWAYS shown but we've all seen the auditions for Idols so you'll forgive a girl for being a little skeptical.)

It's been wonderful getting to know other bloggers and writers, some that I'm even lucky enough to now call friends and it really is invaluable to be able to bounce your thoughts and ideas at people who are creative and open-minded. 

So thank you. Really.

Sending love and happiness to all of you for 2014.

P.S. I've recently joined instagram (I know) so keep in touch and follow me at unquietheart .

P.P.S. I also recently hosted a giveaway asking readers to suggest a new URL for my blog. Thank you to those who sent me their suggestions. While a new URL is now a bit redundant I really liked 'amillionlittlepieces' but since it reminded me too much of the book, I probably would've kept it simple and gone with 'dearme'. 
So congratulations Keri Bainborough! You are the proud new owner of a beautiful deer ring from Mythology. (As soon as you send me your address, that is).


Monday, 25 November 2013

Kramer vs Kramer

Rhydar and I will have joint custody of Noah. Obviously. But what this means to me exactly has changed. So many times in the past when we've spoken about being here, and where Noah would stay, it was obvious to me that his 'home' would be with me and that he would see Rhydar every other weekend.

But Noah was younger then. And Rhydar and I were both different people then. And EVERYTHING is different now.

Noah is 6 years old. Wise beyond his years. Sensitive. Affectionate. Caring, loving and kind. It is me that he calls out to when he has a bad dream. It is me that he comes to when he wakes up in the morning. It is my face he sees before he closes his eyes at night.

But he is growing. Quickly. He is tall. Sporty. Loves games, stories, being in the water, and his cat. And he worships Rhydar. He tears through the house to run into Rhydar's arms when he gets home at night and they are always laughing together.

There has been a loosening. And I can no longer claim that it is largely me that Noah needs. He needs us both. Equally.

So Noah will be staying with me for one week and then with Rhydar for one week. And so on. And when Noah is at Rhydar's we'll all do dinner together there once a week, and when Noah is at my place, Rhydar will come to ours for dinner once a week. He will have a very similar routine at both his homes. We will re-evaluate this arrangement regularly to make sure that Noah is adjusting.

Why am I telling you all this?

This arrangement tears me apart. Because I can not imagine such long, regular stretches without this little person that has so completely consumed my life. Because I do not know how I will be without my heart right by me all the time. Because I suffer from a mommy heart. But it is my mommy heart that dictates that I do what is best for Noah.

My mommy heart and Rhydar's daddy heart.

These will ensure that Noah continues to grow up with ALL the love that he has always been shown. There will be no bad mouthing each other. There will be no arguments about maintenance. There will be no court battles about custody. There will be no trying to control what happens when he is at the other parent's house. Noah will never ever be put in that most awful of positions where he has to choose between his parents. NEVER.

Rhydar and I will nurture Noah's relationship with each other. Because a child needs both parents. Our family is going to be a little different from now on but we will always be a family.

And for that I am ever so grateful.

Thursday, 14 November 2013

Eat. Play. Love.


I've been seeing/hearing a lot about this place on Twitter lately so on Saturday Noah and I (some more reluctant than others) braved the Saturday morning Woodstock traffic and popped in to Bedouin Deli for an early lunch. Noah had already had his 6 pieces of Weetbix for breakfast earlier so I was the only one eating. It was a toss up between the chicken wrap and the labneh bagel with salmon. I decided on the wrap. In places like this it's never just a wrap so I was pretty confident in my choice. 

The magic of Bedouin Cafe is their labneh. Honestly, I did not have a clue what labneh was until the lovely owner of the deli explained to me the process that is  the making of labneh. So basically, in Tash speak, labneh is cheese made from yoghurt. The creamy, slightly sour but very smooth consistency of labneh was a taste sensation! There were a few bottled options (chilli, mint, pepper and plain) that I will definitely be going back for to help fill some christmas stockings.

I loved that the menu was quite limited and very light. Located where the old Superette was, pop in to the Bedouin Cafe for a tasty alternative for your weekday lunches or grab a quick bite on a Saturday morning:)


One day when I'm big I'm going to live in Sea Point. But for now I just play there whenever I can. Few things make my heart sing as quickly as a bike ride along the Sea Point Promenade. Noah and I got bicycles for Christmas the year before last, and I totally rediscovered my inner child when I started to ride again. Unfortunately our bikes ran away from home and ever since Noah and I have been using our legs and feeling less extraordinary because of it.

Until I met the guys from Up Cycles. With stations in Sea Point and Mandela Rhodes place, you can rent a bicycle for just R40 an hour and either ride from one point to another, or return your bicycle to the point you hired it from. They have a selection of bicycles for the littlies, too and you can hire helmets from them. We often take a ride from the Sea Point station (next to the Sea point swimming pool) along the Promenade to the Green point Urban Park, have a quick run around there, scoff an ice cream and then ride back to the Sea Point station.

It is SO much fun! 

If you don't cycle along the Promenade at least once this summer then you're doing life wrong!


image via Eagles' Nest website

I had the opportunity to do some wine tasting on Monday on some of the wine farms in Constantia. We tasted at four of the farms and when I say 'some wines' I mean 22. The absolute highlight of my day was the tasting at Eagles' Nest. Guys. By the end of the day I was really rather 'tired' and I was absolutely delighted to wrap up our adventure in this beautifully unexpected little corner of the world. 

It is so peaceful there. Sitting outside under the trees next to a little stream, you might as well be in another world. And all that happiness happens before they've even offered you some wine! If their award winning Shiraz isn't enough to entice you to go there then these pictures surely must be!

I can't wait to go back and order a picnic and just spend the entire afternoon wallowing in fermented-grapey -happiness. All for the good of the earth ofcourse because have I mentioned their eagle conservation programme?

A huge THANK YOU to Blake Gowar from Constantia Wine Tours who has put together a stunningly intimate and informative wine tour, exploring the historic vineyards of Constantia and their newer boutique wineries. Constantia Wine Tours: the only way to do wine tasting in Constantia! ;)


If you'd like to slip into one of these stunning Mythology designs from local Cape Town jeweller Dawn Bolton, take a look at this great giveaway!